Sep 14, 2012 - Character, Mental Health    No Comments

Our Sense of Self

Everyone grows at different rates. Becoming mature and finding a sense of self or identity is something that everyone goes through. Knowing who we are and becoming aware of ourselves is natural and normal. It takes time and can be a difficult process. Struggling to find your own identity can be very depressing and frustrating.

Maturing and developing a strong emotional core is very important to the development of our identity.  It’s important to have positive interactions with others, be able to access situations, predict the thoughts and feelings others, and to engage in appropriate tones of empathy. Having a strong emotional maturity will help influence your career and everyday life. Emotionally mature people have the ability to earn the trust of others, make people feel valued, and build respect from those around them. The earlier in your life that you start to work at learning how to relate to others the better off you will be. Here are some key points that can help you develop an emotionally mature mind and help you identify a very important and needed sense of self.

1) Practice Listening to Others:
There is more to listening to other people, than just sitting there like a cone with a smile on your face. Listening to others requires that you not only nod your head but also that you give feedback to what they’re saying. This will show the other person that you’re sincere and really understand their point of view. People tend to disclose more information to others when they know they are truly listening. This will help you see the world through their eyes and give you a different perspective on what you think and feel; which in turn will help you develop a stronger sense of self.

2) Learn Empathy:
The ability to predict and relate to other people’s feelings can be very challenging. Understanding another person’s state of mind can help you know what to say or know what kind of support you can give. When you learn how to help others you learn how to help yourself at the same time. Always try to be gentle.

3) Control your Impulses:
We are impulsive by nature, however impulse control plays a surprising role in emotional maturity and developing your identity. People who can control their immediate reactions have an additional moment to think about another person’s feelings. They’re also less likely to say things they regret. Try to avoid yelling and always apologize when you’re wrong. This will help you take the time to really think about your actions and if the outcome from those actions is the kind of actions you want to be identified with.

4) Engage in Group Discussion:
Some people are hermits and struggle with shyness which can be a hindrance to developing an identity and building emotional maturity. Be someone that can talk openly and honestly with others. Be open to different viewpoints. Work at taking small risks with conversation. You might be surprised at the response you get.

Whether you’re rooted in who you are and are comfortable with the person you’ve grown into, or you’re unsure of yourself and you don’t know what you want to do with your life. These are a few things that will be very helpful to you. Everyone has room for growth and improvement and I hope this helps you in whatever your struggles are.


Feeling Alone

“I don’t really have anyone close to me that I can talk to. This of course is my fault because I know that I have a problem of letting people get close to me. I feel so alone a lot of time because of this. What is someone to do that always keeps people at a distance? ~Emily”

Dear Emily,

There are many reasons why people keep others at an arm’s length; the fear of rejection and loss being the most prevalent. People will avoid making relationship to prevent being hurt. But in the long run these people are doing more damage than they realize. It’s so important to have and maintain good and healthy relationships with others. Not just for the care and support they can provide you with but more importantly the accountability. When we find ourselves accountable to no one, often times this is when we get into the most trouble.

Start with something small. Like a coworker or someone you see on a regular basis. Try and garden that relationship and hopefully it will grow into a strong friendship. However, if it doesn’t don’t get discouraged; there are many fish in the sea.

By nature we as humans are social creatures. We all long for companionship, whether it’s with a spouse or a close friend, we need that connection. The fact that you are noticing this about yourself is wonderful. You are taking charge and striving to mature and grow into the person you will be in the future. I hope you find someone soon that will be a true friend to you. Someone that you trust and that you can talk to and who will be willing to listen; and more importantly who will want to.

Keep your eyes open, you never know who’s around the corner.

Aug 3, 2012 - Mental Health    No Comments

What will tomorrow bring?

Worrying is like a splinter that has rooted itself in our mind causing us to develop an abysmal feeling of fear and anxiety that flows through our entire body. It’s the future decisions and actions that we fear. We desperately try to predict the outcomes. It’s a physically exhausting and mentally draining frame of mind. However many people go throughout their lives in this state of mind, unable to let go.

We worry because we’re uncertain about what our future holds. Sometimes worrying is a way of escape to keep the mind occupied while we wait for the future. We worry about what tomorrow will bring or what could or could not happen. When we worry we tend to fabricate a dreadful outcome and once that dreadful outcome has been thought of it then becomes very difficult to think of anything else. Now we’re worrying about something that we ourselves have created, when in reality the thing that we’re concerned with really doesn’t exist as anything other than an idea that we’ve created.

Also must keep in mind that worrying is not healthy. People who worry and are always under constant stress can develop severe heart conditions. People who worry can also have trouble sleeping. Being able to concentrate on everyday tasks also becomes a chore, and if you’re constantly worrying it leaves little room for anything else. Worrying can become an addiction. If you find yourself constantly worrying try and take steps to break out of that habit. The one thing you must try to keep from doing is to make worrying a part of your personality.

Remember that we are unable to control the future. We need to learn to let go and surrender ourselves to the future. We can make preparations to see that something happens. But time will always have the final say. Try to break down time to moment to moment. Reflect on your past and compare all the things you worried about and what their outcomes were. The only thing you are in control of is the present. Be still and thankful for the moment you’re in. Things will always be in a state of change and nothing lasts forever. If you’re able to realize that your life is not in your control and be willing to let go, then your life and health with greatly improve.

Cheers to the moment we’re in. I’m glad that we’ve spent it together.


“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.” ~Max Ehrmann