Apr 27, 2012 - Marriage    No Comments

Drifting Apart

“Dear John, I think my wife and I are drifting apart. We have been married for many years and we both have always had our own hobbies and friends that we like to spend our time with. But it seems more and more that we spend time with our hobbies or friends rather than with each other. She seems to be happy, but deep down I feel that we are losing the connection we once had. I don’t know what to do. Mark”

Dear Mark,

There are hardships that come with marriage. It should be the goal of both parties to make those hardships easier and to help one another grow. What you’re describing is something that many couples go through. You have to find that balance of time together and time apart. It’s ok to have space when needed but in reasonable doses. You need to be the leader here and work towards building things you both can do together.

Maybe enroll in a class at a local college that you can enjoy together, or cook dinner at home together, or find a new hobby that you both enjoy and then spend time developing it. Another thing that has helped couples is small displays of affection. Simply holding hands is a big one. Small little actions like this can have a huge impact on building the intimacy and connection in a marriage. Also never pass up an opportunity to say “I love you”. You may have to give a little and put aside your feelings and do what is best for your marriage. The fact that you’re seeking advice is wonderful. It shows the love and concern you have for her.

Make an effort to talk every day. Talk to her about your feelings and concerns. One thing many couples face is lack of communication or miscommunication. She may be having the same thoughts and feelings you are. Listen and work at understanding her view. Be flexible and be willing to sacrifice your time. With some work and a little self-sacrifice I know you both will grow closer together.

I wish you both all the best.
~John

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