“I was thinking about seeing a doctor, I think that I might be clinically depressed. Sometimes I’m just sad and I can’t put a finger on why. I cry maybe ten times a week for no reason other than I’m sad. I just hurt for no reason. Nothing terrible has happened to me. I have an amazing life, and I feel guilty for hating life sometimes and I often just want it to end. Not that I have ever seriously thought about taking my own life. I really don’t, I just sometimes want life to end (if that makes sense). I’ve always been closed to my siblings and I’ve tried talking with them, but it seems like they really don’t care or they just won’t listen and they just want to lecture me. I feel trapped. ~Drake”
Your desire for life to end is a very common feeling. I myself have had that feeling more than once. But no matter how I feel the decision for life to end is not for me to decide. All I have to decide is what to do with the time that I have. No matter how alone we might feel there are always things that are positive and good. And that is an encouraging thought. We just have to be aware of them, or work at taking notice.
I’m reminded of this quote, “Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” This is how we should view time. If we spend our time in love then time becomes irrelevant. We should spend our time loving people, and loving ourselves. This way of thinking will develop in time. Just keep taking those steps each day and you will get there.
We are physical beings and because so, we have many physical trials that we must face, depression being one of those. Visiting with a doctor is a smart and healthy idea. Sometimes it’s nothing more than a slight imbalance of chemicals in your brain, which can sometimes be helped by a change in diet or exercise. But if there is something bigger going on then it’s important to know that as well.
Siblings sometimes have a way of setting aside the seriousness of our troubles. This is not because they don’t care, but that they are somewhat molded to your character. So if you’re upset a lot they might just write that off as Drake being Drake. But I’m sure if you really needed for them to listen, they will. You may have to be a little creative in the way you approach them so they know you’re serious, but they will listen. I’m sure they love you very much and probably more than you realize.
Tomorrow is a new day and you have this opportunity each day to start fresh. So take it a day at a time and you will see the light at the end of this tunnel.