Browsing "Character"

Common Courtesy

I was walking out of a bank lobby this past Saturday when I passed by an elderly woman who was stopped in the walkway of the lobby entrance wiping her feet on a door mat. To prevent drawing attention to myself I didn’t stop walking but I did take a metal note of her. I myself have never stopped to make sure my shoes were clean before entering a public building, however, I should. We should all be more aware of the world around us. It seems that my generation has lost sight of this concept.

The concept of common courtesy was once was so ingrained in our society that any action that flowed against it was considered a high offense, whether public or private. So why have we changed our perspective?

I want to encourage you to work each day at showing care and consideration not only to those people around you, but also the environments that you interact with. If you see trash on the floor stop and pick it up, hold open a door for someone, be courteous and safe in traffic, give space to people in a shopping market, help someone to their car, turn off the lights in an empty room.
Just think what the world would be like if everyone had this outlook.

~John

Jan 28, 2013 - Character, Relationships    No Comments

Finding My Place

“I’m trying really hard to get back on my feet and be the person that I know I should be and that I now want to be again. Because of my adventures I have lost many friends and relationships. I distanced myself and now I’m having a hard time getting back in with my group, I think it is mainly because I am no longer the person that I used to be. I have matured and also changed. I think I’m changing for the better, but now that I need to find a place to belong. I don’t have many friends and I want someone I can talk to. I know I need to be more positive and definitely a better person. How can I get back in with those I care about? ~Becky”

Dear Becky,

Through all the journeys, or adventures we take, we all grow in different ways. Some of us grow for the better while others of us grow for the worse. But no matter what adventures we take, all that matters is how we grow. You must find the answer in yourself, “Have I grown for the better at the end of this adventure?” and “Am I ready for the next?”

It sounds like you are growing for the better, and finding a place to belong is something that will sort itself out in time, new relationships will bloom, just keep your eye open. Becoming the person that you want to be is completely up to you. Take a step forward each day and soon you will find your footing.

I know the importance of having a person to talk to and to share life’s joys and struggles with. There is so much happiness and sadness in the world, and the feelings of others many times go unheard. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you find a friend who’s door and ears are always open to you.

Growing apart from people is one of life’s unavoidable circumstances. But the awareness that you have of yourself and understanding of your need to grow is marvelous. You know where you are and what you need to do. Keep that with you and run with it. If the people that you have lost contact with are truly your friends they will be there for you. Let them know how you feel and that you are sincerely working at making amends. I have a good feeling you will get an unexpected response.

I will keep you in my mind daily and hope you find peace and love,
~John

Sep 14, 2012 - Character, Mental Health    No Comments

Our Sense of Self

Everyone grows at different rates. Becoming mature and finding a sense of self or identity is something that everyone goes through. Knowing who we are and becoming aware of ourselves is natural and normal. It takes time and can be a difficult process. Struggling to find your own identity can be very depressing and frustrating.

Maturing and developing a strong emotional core is very important to the development of our identity.  It’s important to have positive interactions with others, be able to access situations, predict the thoughts and feelings others, and to engage in appropriate tones of empathy. Having a strong emotional maturity will help influence your career and everyday life. Emotionally mature people have the ability to earn the trust of others, make people feel valued, and build respect from those around them. The earlier in your life that you start to work at learning how to relate to others the better off you will be. Here are some key points that can help you develop an emotionally mature mind and help you identify a very important and needed sense of self.

1) Practice Listening to Others:
There is more to listening to other people, than just sitting there like a cone with a smile on your face. Listening to others requires that you not only nod your head but also that you give feedback to what they’re saying. This will show the other person that you’re sincere and really understand their point of view. People tend to disclose more information to others when they know they are truly listening. This will help you see the world through their eyes and give you a different perspective on what you think and feel; which in turn will help you develop a stronger sense of self.

2) Learn Empathy:
The ability to predict and relate to other people’s feelings can be very challenging. Understanding another person’s state of mind can help you know what to say or know what kind of support you can give. When you learn how to help others you learn how to help yourself at the same time. Always try to be gentle.

3) Control your Impulses:
We are impulsive by nature, however impulse control plays a surprising role in emotional maturity and developing your identity. People who can control their immediate reactions have an additional moment to think about another person’s feelings. They’re also less likely to say things they regret. Try to avoid yelling and always apologize when you’re wrong. This will help you take the time to really think about your actions and if the outcome from those actions is the kind of actions you want to be identified with.

4) Engage in Group Discussion:
Some people are hermits and struggle with shyness which can be a hindrance to developing an identity and building emotional maturity. Be someone that can talk openly and honestly with others. Be open to different viewpoints. Work at taking small risks with conversation. You might be surprised at the response you get.

Whether you’re rooted in who you are and are comfortable with the person you’ve grown into, or you’re unsure of yourself and you don’t know what you want to do with your life. These are a few things that will be very helpful to you. Everyone has room for growth and improvement and I hope this helps you in whatever your struggles are.

~John

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